New Recruits, Tobi's mistake
by Scarlet Rose-Lady Mask
Summary: Leadersama decided to get some new people in the Akatsuki to help with the whole 'getting the bijuu' thing. He gave a list of fifteen people to Tobi to go find the new recruits. Surely one of them will meet up with Akasuki standards, right?
1. They've arrived

Hi everyone! Lady Mask here. This is the first fanfic I've ever posted anywhere, so I'm gonna try and make it worth reading, but it's gonna have some implied junk in it, so I'm gonna have to rate it PG-13. Cookies and cupcakes to those that review. Any flames will be used to either make tea, or help me burn Barbie's house(s) down. Now, I'd like you to meet my co-author Deidara!Points over at the blonde standing with the other characters appearing in this fic Deidara; What the heck are you talking about? I only agreed to be in this stupid fic because you didn't let Sakura kill Sasori. You never said I'd have to help you write it.Kisame; Maybe she has brain damage?  
Mask; Shaddup Kisa-kun! Cause in real life, I'M KISHIMOTO! Thus, I totally own Naruto! So you guys better behave yourselves.  
Sasori; Don't worry everyone, Lady Mask does not own Naruto. I had to sedate her earlier just so she could sit still long enough to write this. It hasn't completely worn off yet, so she's still dillusional. My apologies.  
Mask; So I don't own Naruto? Or the Akasuki? Sasori; Exactly. You're just a fangirl who likes to write. So this would be called a fanfiction.  
Mask; But, but, I'm- Breaks down crying Waaahhhhhh sobs  
Everyone; backs away a few steps

Fifteen minutes later...

Mask; still teary eyed If I can't own you all, can I at least have a hug? Kisame; hugs her Just start the fic missy.  
Mask; sniffs Okay.. on with the fic... hugs Kisame back

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Leader-sama decided that the Akasuki needed a replacement for that traitor Orochimaru. Even if the replacement wouldn't be able to participate in the bijuu removal ritual, LS would be abe to hold it responsable for the capture of the jinchuuriki (is that how you spell it?) that Orochimaru was supposed to capture. Because of high probability of, well, the new recruit either dying from the demanding life of the Akasuki, or from pissing off one of the members, in which case they will never be heard from again. Leader-sama compiled a list of fifteen possible new recruits. One of them was bound to be strong enough to hack it, right?

Of course nobody really wanted to go around rounding up the newbs, but somebody had to do it. And there was always that ever faithful ever willing to do anything to get into the Akasuki, but hasn't as of yet actually been allowed to join, loveable oaf know as Tobi that could be perswaded to go find the people on a certain list...

"Tobi gets to find people?" Blue (the unknown member) just nodded, handed him the list, and pushed him out the door.

///Two months later///

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, but it was covered by a haze of thick gray clouds that woudn't let the light through. Tobi still away looking for the list people, so he wasn't there, running around like a lunatic with Deidara or something. While Deidara on the other hand, was bound and gagged somewhere in the base (courtesy of one annoyed Kisame), and everyone else was distracted by a CSI marathon that was running on Spike.

Leader-sama was in his room, doing whatever it is he does in his spare time. Blue was in her room too, but she came out for a minute to get a glass of lemonade. The authoress (bless her brave soul) took a peek in the empty room to be abe to tell the readers what that chick was up to. Me-"Her computer was on, and she was reading fanfics about the other Akasuki members. Mostly the fluff and crack fanfics, probably 'just curious' reading."

There was peace in the lair today. However, all good things must come to an end, and Tobi had to get back home sometime.

"Tobi's BACK!" The orange masked nin screamed happily from the entrance hall. The stone walls echoed his scream ten times over, but nobody really reacted to it. It was just a warning that the puppy-like person was indeed, 'back'. And behind him could be seen seventeen people. The bundle of hyper turned to the group cheerfully.

"Everyone follow Tobi please." He turned on his heel and bounded down the hall. Only a couple of them heard a thump come from what looked like a hallway closet. So, while the others went with Tobi, five people stood in front of the closet

There was a black-haired woman with silver eyes that was carrying several different weapons, a dark blue-haired woman with really dark blue eyes had at least six different swords with her, a black-haired guy with light blue eyes that had odd marks in them was carrying two handguns a rifle and an even bigger rifle, a blonde woman with cherry-red highlights had a staffish looking thing strapped to her back, and there was a tan-haired guy with an obnoxiously large wooden hammer. They were all dressed up like ninja, except for the blonde who was dressed up like a priestess.

They were all looking at the closed door expectantly. Like someone was just supposed to up and walk out of it.

Then they heard a muffled moan.

The little group looked at each other.

"Umm, you don't think..." -the blond chick

"I hope not..." -the bernet guy

Another thump came from behind the door.

The black-haired chick put a hand on the doornob and turned to the others, grinning her head off.

"Let's open it." Another moan came out of the closet

"No! You don't know what's in there! There could be-"

THUMP

"Yeah, I'd rather not see what's happening in there." The blonde woman walked off, while keeping a hand over her eyes.

"Yeah, same here. Tell me what was in it later if it isn't anything too-"

"Too late this is more fun!"

She openned up the door, thinking all the bad thoughts you're probably thinking right now.

A bright blue eye looked up at her in confusion. And two silver eyes stared at the bound and gagged blonde guy in shock. A slow smile spread itself across her face, and she slowly closed the door.

"Wow, I was really not expecting that."

"Expecting what?" The tan-haired guy guy had his eyes closed while the chick had openned the door.

"Somebody left tied up some guy and left him in the closet."

"Shouldn't we untie him or something?" The tan-haired guy asked with a quizzacal look on his face.

"Nahhh."

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Deidara; Shh, the chick finally fell asleep...glances at the unconcious lump curled up on the floor

Sasori; She's gonna have to be sedated again when she wakes up though...

Everyone nods, knowing how bad the authoress is normally.

Kisame; (whispers to the audiance) Please leave Mask-chan a review, she really did work hard on this chapter. If you must flame, please leave the caps lock off. You might wake her up.points at Mask

Leader-sama; looks at the author chick's notebook Next chapter looks like it's titled 'Of sleepovers, and crazy games' I can't read any more than that. The girl has lousy handwriting.

Everyone waves goodbye and Deidara mouths 'see ya later'


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone! Mask is back! I got three wonderful reviews first chapter! I love them! hugs her reviewers happily Mask; If there's any reader's out there who are reading this, and they're anti-sick humour, they should probably skip over the very last part of this chapter. Tobi; Tacos!  
Mask; Omigosherz! That is the perfect word to discribe this chapter. TACOS! laughs manically until she falls over unconcious from lack of air  
Deidara; What's wrong with her? Sasori, you only gave her half a dose so she wouldn't pass out and drool all over the floor like last time. Why'd she pass out?  
Sasori; It wasn't the sedative, I think she forgot to breath again.  
Kisame; sighs I'll get the headphones... goes somewhere and comes back with a CD player and headphones, he puts them on Mask and clicks play (The headphones played one 'song' on repeat. The lyrics were; 'Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out'...) Deidara; Before she wakes up, I just wanna tell you all that Mask does not not own Naruto, or any of the Akasuki, un. We all belong to Kishimoto. She does however, own all the weird OCs, except for Mizu who belongs to hunted by trees, Squanto who belongs to Alamander, and Jinx who belongs to Robin, yeah. There's no way this chick could've created Naruto, because it would have never been finished, there wouldn't be any story line, and no attempt at a plot, unless you count her plotting against everyone, including the nameless characters you never meet and the neighbor's dog, and it wouldn't have the Akasuki because she's not smart enough to think up people as awsome as us. Itachi; I think they've realized that already. We're practically babysitting this chick. Deidara; You don't even do anything, hm! Itachi; .  
Deidara; Letting her play with a kunai isn't 'taking care of her', un! She nearly died when you left her alone with the thing!  
Itachi; So? If she's stupid enough to run up and down the hallway with a kunai in her hands, she's unnessisary to to us.  
Leader-sama; She's not killing off my organization like Kishimoto did, and she made the base bigger. For now, we keep her alive Itachi. On with the chapter! Everything starts cause Leader-sama is cool like that. 

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Eventually all the new people were gathered up and shoved into the main room thingy. They were all standing in a line in front of Leader-sama, and a very happy Tobi.

The masked-nin glanced at the pictures of the people he was supposed to bring back. They fairly well matched up with the people in the room.

Even our awsome Leader-sama was pretty shocked that Tobi actually found them all. There was just one little problem.

"Tobi, you brought four people I didn't ask for."

"Oh, Tobi knows!" He chimed cheerfully.

"Then why are they here?"

"They helped Tobi find the other people!" (There're nineteen new people in all.)

Hmm, so that's how he did it. Tobi asked for directions and help from people. It was fine though, cause Zetsu would take care of them later.

After talking with Leader-sama, they all got shoved in the lower level of the base. It couldn't really be called a basement because it was really just a 12ft deep hole you jumped into and there was a big area roomish thingy down there. It was the result of several of Deidara's bombs going off inside the base. At least they could put the thing to good use now...

The girls got one side of the room, while the guys got the other. They had all brought sleeping bags with them, so it turned out looking like a big slumber party.

/////Somewhere else in the base/////

"Thanks for letting me out of that closet and untying me, un."

"No prob."

The blonde and bernet were walking down another hallway (not the entrance hall) in silence.

"Wonder how long it'll take them to figure out I'm gone."

Deidara raised an eyebrow at her.

"They don't know, hm?"

"Nope. I left a pillow-clone to hang out with them."

"You can make clones out of pillows, un?"

"Pff, it shouldn't suprise you. Ninja can make clones out of shadows. Pillows are actually easier to use." She said cheerfully.

He gave her a confused look.

"Okkaaaaay..."

//////Back in the lower level of the base, the big hole in the floor(pretty much)//////

"Okay, we gotta do some prank phone calls!"

One of the girls took out a cell phone and a list of all the Akasuki member's personal phone numbers. Picking one with an evil grin plastered to her face, she dialed one of the 'tabboo' numbers. (Seriously, who in their right mind would prank-call S-rank missing nin who are in at least, a five-mile radius of where you are?)

The girl obviously did not have her head on right. She had put the phone on speaker so everyone in the room could hear it.

(Majorly changed her voice for the call) (we're callin cells)

"Hello? Is this Konan of the Akasuki?"

(groggy replie) "Yes, who is this? It's two in the morning."

"I'm Ayame Tashihiro, from the medical ward in Konoha. Guess what girl. Your test came out positive! You're pregnant!"

"..." Konan's eye twitched.

"Speechless? Don't worry, Pein turned out to be the father. Not Tobi."

Konan coughed to clear her throat.

"Ayame, when you make prank phone calls to people, YOU DON'T USE YOUR REAL NAME!!!" She hung up in a huff.

Ayame blinked. "Oh.."

"Me next!" Mizu chimed at once.

Grinning like a chesher cat, she dialed one of the numbers and held it up to her ear.

"Hello, this is the Dark Minion Hair Care Palor, just wanted to let you know your order came in."

click

Itachi went back to the book he was reading. 'Why do people insist on calling me at two in the morning?' (Omg, how often does this happen? And why is he reading a book at 2 in the morning?)

Last to go was the priestess Morty.

"Come on Morty, you have to prank Deidara. We left him for you cause you two are the only blondes."

"Yeah, it's really fun."

"But I've never prank called someone before, how I am supposed to know what to say?"

"Just make something up and pretend like you're someone he doesn't know that somehow knows him."

"You actually don't HAVE to say anything. You could just call him and breathe really heavily into the phone."

They placed the phone into the blushing priestess's hands. She pressed it to her ear nervously as the others had already dialed the number.

"It's ringing!" She mouthed.

"Yeah?" She took in a shaky breath when he answered.

"Deidara?" She asked in a small, slightly hysterical voice.

/////In Deidara's room/////

(Btw the still unnamed bernet chick is there too. No, they're not doing anything bad. Dei's sitting on his bed and playing with clay, while the chick is sitting on the floor and trying in vain to make a lump of clay resemble a cat. She's a bad sculptor.)

Random unnamed chick watched in ammusment as he answered. Her clone was watching on the other end of the line, and she knew exactly what was happening.

////Back in the basement thing////

"Yes, who is this, hmp?"

Morty was so freaked out she broke down in tears.

Turning away from the phone, she sobbed. "Oh my God, Cat, he's there!" She was just taking to all of them, since she hadn't learned their names.

By this time Deidara was more than a little freaked out.

"Who is this?!"

Jinx rolled her eyes and took the phone from the stupid priestess.

"She's the chick who's boyfriend blew up you jerk! Now how's she supposed to break it to him that she's got his kid?!"

"What?!" Deidara was thoroughly freaked out.

"Well it's over with now ya dolt! And by the way, she's naming the baby after you when it's born!" Before she could hang up the phone, a new voice came over the line.

/////back in Dei's room/////

Deidara was getting a little too freaked out, and was subconciously feeding chakra into the clay in his hands.

Knowing full-well he was capable of blowing up the whole damn building (which is really bad cause it's underground), the unnamed chick took the phone from him. She let her voice change enough so they wouldn't recognize her.

"Who the heck do you think you're talking to?"

///back in the basement///

It was a chick's voice. And it sounded really, really, ticked. Considering it was about three in the morning now, they could only assume that Deidara had a girlfriend. And she was staying over...

"major gasp Deidara of the Akasuki has a girlfriend?!"

"Beats me missy. But the Deidara you called, of the hidden cloud village, has a wife. And it is four in the morning here. We don't need brats who have the wrong number bugging us. Good night, miss." The woman on the other line hung up.

/////back in Dei's room////

She tossed his phone back to him.

"You better get rid of that clay afore ya kill yerself. Getting freaked by a prank-call isn't worth killing everyone."

After about an hour or so of doing nothing (they'd run out of phone numbers cause some people wouldn't answer their phones), one of the girls got an idea.

Whispering it to the others, they were all either stifling giggles or looking at her like she had a screw loose. Although some took some convincing, they all eventually nodded their consent to the 'idea'.

The guys were watching them with growing apprehension. They started whispering to each other speculations of what the girls were talking about.

All the girls got up to sit in a circle. It looked like they were going to play duck duck goose or something. But no, they started a whispering game. The girl who suggested it started. She whispered a word to the next girl who almost started cracking up. They went clockwise in the circle, each saying something else, and every time something was added, it got a little louder. In a few minutes, the guys were able to hear what the girls were saying.

They were telling a story, and each girl only got to say one word to continue it. Across the room, the guys were giving the girls some weird looks. They were telling a story from the view of a cannabilistic chicken; how it killed (and ate) all of the other chickens on the farm.

And they were still getting louder.

The poor guys plugged their ears and hid their heads under their pillows. But soon the girls' voices were loud enough to reach their ears even through the barriers.

Pretty soon, the were seriously shouting at the top of their lungs. And because of the stone walls, it echoed. Oh boy did it ever echoe!

All the guys could do was groan and cover their ears in vain.

The priestess and the scrolls master had dropped out of the circle, laughing their heads off. They couldn't say the word cracking up as they were. The others continuing on with the game had stood up, and they were just shouting.

Unfortunately, they didn't seem to remember that this was a hideout for S-ranked criminals, and not a slumber party at a friend's house. Just when they had gotten into a new part of the story where the cannabilistic chicken went after the farmer with a cutless, Hidan jumped down into the the lower level and lopped a chick's head off with his scythe.

"Shut the fck up!" He yelled.

Then, within a few short seconds, he got shot twice by two different people, hit over the head with a head-sized rock, and stabbed with multiple sharp objects.

In essence, the newbies turned Hidan into a bloodied pulp of meat in the corner.

But then the girl's body 'poofed' to reveal a destroyed pillow and lots of feathers.

"What the- Where'd she go?!"

/////Deidara's room/////

"Dude, I think I'm seriously mutilating this art." The unnamed bernet chick held up the deformed piece of clay in her hands that kinda resembled a cat, after it had gotten run over by a lawn mower and run through the dryer a few hundred times. The blonde raised an eyebrow at the lumpy mess.

"What were you trying to make, un?"

"A cat." She grumbled.

"It looks like a lumpy ball, yeah." He laughed. She glowered at him, which made him stop to grin.

"Need some help, un?"

Rolling her eyes, she turned away sulkily.

"Noooooo, I'm gonna make it work on my own." She said in a slightly whiny tone. He sighed, got up, and walked over to her.

"Okay, let me see it, un." He held his hand out. She held the lump away from him.

"No, I'm gonna do it."

"Well let me just-" He tried to reach for it. But she pushed him away with one hand and held the piece of clay with the other.

"No!"

"But you're-Oof!" The girl had grabbed one of his pillows and smacked him with it.

"Let me do it!" She barked. Deidara grabbed another pillow and hit her back. The look on her face was priceless.

She hit him back with her pillow, harder.

And he hit back, even harder, with his pillow.

Thus a small pillow-fight became an all out war between two S-class ninja.

///////The Next Day///////

Everyone who was up was sitting in the cafe-ish thingy, (it's like a sitting area, with tables, that's attached to the kitchen), and they were eating their breakfast in a calmish quiet when two bruised ninja walked in.

They got some cereal, and sat with their groups. (The Akasuki members, and Tobi were sitting together, all the new girls were sitting together, and all the new guys were sitting together.)

The girls were looking at the bernet chick with a wth look.

She looked up from her cereal to see them all staring at her.

"Uhh, what happened?" The priestess asked apprehensively.

(At the girl's table)

"Dei-baka started a pillow fight with me. And ya know how some people hide knives and junk in their pillows? He hides clay. Everywhere. It was like getting hit by a bag of bricks!"

(At the guy's table)

"Omg, you don't think..."

"He wouldn't..."

"I don't know, they're both in pretty bad shape. She could have..."

"Omg."

(At the Akasuki and Tobi's table)

"Deidara, just one question..." Itachi was the only one who spoke. Just about everyone one else was stifling laughs or 'knowing' smirks. Or was Tobi and therefore completely oblivious. Hidan was in hysterics. Poor guy was just cracking up, hope he doesn't bust a lung. (He got shot yesterday people! And Kakuzu only sewed him up a couple hours ago!)

Deidara looked up from his cereal curiously.

"What, un?"

"Anything fun happen last night?" Looking meaningfully over at the chick.

"Meh, we were playing (with clay) for awhile, but she was no good at it, so I tried to help (her make a cat), but she wouldn't let me, and then she got mad and started hitting me (with a clay pillow), and I hit her back (with another one), and then we had a (pillow) war, and it ended in a tie, and we're probably gonna have another one later."

(A/N; Everything in paratheses is stuff Deidara left out, but he should have said them.)

Everyone at the Akasuki table got up and left, except Hidan.

He was rolling around on the floor in hysterics, and gagging on air slightly.

Tobi had gone to the girl's table after awhile cause they were talking about recipes, and cooking. (Tobi likes to cook even if he's not that good at it.)

"What's going on, yeah?"

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Mask; Okay, I know the second chapter took forever, but, I tried to make it worth reading... I'll try, not making any promises here, but I'll try and get a third chapter up, soonish. Mmkay? Mmkay. Okay, I love you all! Have a fabulous Halloween full of ninjas, and chocolate, and candy, and scaring evil little neighbor kids! Passes out in the middle of the stage  
Sasori; That's odd, I was sure she wouldn't do that this time.  
Kisame; She's wearing her headphones... Maybe the battery died or something. Leader-sama; If anyone hasn't noticed, we've been taking her to get therapy for awhile. Thus the reason she hadn't posted anything for months. Thankfully, she doesn't think she's Kishimoto-sama anymore. It was quite disturbing to find an entire wing of the building devoted to fangirls with 'Kishimoto Syndrome'. Scarily enough, the entire thing was filled to the brim with fangirls, everyday we went. Konan; Henge jutsus were practically a godsend there. We were supposed to take her back at least six more times, but she's 'cured' enough for us. If we can help it, we're never going back there. Four times was enough! Kisame; Uhh, Mask is kinda, not breathing at the momment, sooooo, we're gonna let Hidan laugh next to her until she freaks out and wakes up. Leave a review if you want. Careful though. She hugs all her reviewers. Never seen what she does to flamers yet though...


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